Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. George Zilbergeld

Broadcast and podcast on webtalkradio.net. The podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Wine and cheese can get better with age, but sex? The principal author of Sex & Love at Midlife: It’s Better Than Ever drew upon decades of clinical experience as a sex therapist and on interviews with 145 men and women ages 45 to 87. For some, sex gradually worsened with age, but for many, sex got better than ever. Sexologist Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld died before his book came to press this year. With us to share the fruits of his work is his brother and coauthor, Dr. George Zilbergeld.

Sex and Love at Midlife uniquely profiles lovers’ traits, thinking, and lifestyles so we can emulate them. It gives a hopeful message that many couples, including older couples and couples with previous failed marriages, can become lovers. It also give a hopeful message that sex can get better with age—even when there are serious physical disabilities.

I hope, however, that people don’t think that they are less than successful or worthy if they aren’t lovers, or for that matter choose to try to be lovers. We have many choices in life and when we spend time in one pursuit there is less time for other pursuits. Thus, some professors find their research the most fascinating, rewarding part of their lives and choose to focus their time on their research. The result may be we get a cure for cancer sooner rather than later. Many entrepreneurs view their business as their babies. Athletes and performance artists may choose to focus on their sport while they are in their athletic prime. Some people are very good at socializing and become the grease that makes organizations or groups work. They may find their love of people in groups more rewarding than a one-to-one romantic relationship. A lot of politicians probably fit this pattern. Some people have been burned by abuse or failed relationships and are not willing to take the emotional risk. Some people have poor social skills and intuitively know it would be extremely difficult for them to have the emotional intimacy of Zilbergeld’s lovers. Examples include people with autism, schizoid personalities, and schizophrenia. Some people have such strong need to be in control that keeping a certain distance is more appealing than risking intimacy. Thus being a lover is a great goal but not something everyone must or should pursue.

That said, the only way I would disagree with George Zilbergeld, is that in the interview he tended to take an almost nagging parent approach of why aren’t you doing this. Since Bernie was a therapist, I suspect that while he hopes more people will become lovers, he understands and respects people who choose or invest their time in other ways or for emotional reasons choose not to pursue a lover lifestyle.

Dr. Brickey’s other websites include www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Angeles Arrien

Broadcast and podcast starting: December 7, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 12 14-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Children immerse themselves in the fun and identity metaphors of Harry Potter, young adults in the metaphors, mentors, and finding meaning in Star Wars. But what about the quest for identity and meaning after 50? Dr. Arrien has studied literature, poetry, and many cultures to help us seek our own quest for a richer, more meaningful second half of life.To review, like the Freudian psychologist Carl Jung, Dr. Arrien is fascinated with symbols, metaphors, and cultural heritage.

In The Second Half of Life, she focuses on the neglected subject of psychological and spiritual development after 50. It is refreshing to hear our sixties described as the youth of our wisdom years and eighties and nineties and beyond as the peak of our wisdom years. She describes 50 as a milestone when people tend to start shifting from an emphasis on ambition to an emphasis on meaning, from doing to being, from acquisition to divestiture, from me to we. She describes it as a time of increased clarity and objectivity.

She distinguishes journaling from keeping a diary with journaling being more insight and action oriented. She uses four questions: What has inspired me, what has challenged me, what has surprised me, and what has touched or moved me. She noted that in death and dying research, people want the closure of having addressed five issues: thank you, I love you, forgive me, I forgive you, and goodbye. She talked about the eight lies, for example, I’ll be happy when I have more money, when I marry the right person, when I and more successful, etc. and the four bones—the backbone, wishbone, funny bone and hollow bone.

Addressing this subject was a stretch for me in while I certainly use a lot of metaphors in therapy, coaching, and hypnosis, I usually use them strategically to achieve a fairly specific objectives, as opposed to be immersed in them as a general growth exercise. It’ not a question of who is right but different people resonating with different styles. For example, some people thrive on meditation; while others would find it torture. Thus, I am delighted to have the diversity, and I am delighted to stretch my own thinking and my own style by reading The Second Half of Life and talking with Dr. Arrien.

I read her book the hard way—in a day. It is really much better suited and more valuable to read a few pages a day to let the ideas incubate before reading more. I find her concept of concept of monthly journaling with a focus on growth questions and action especially generative. Finally, it is important to get associate with positive people. Dr. Arrien is positive and her view of aging is very refreshing and positive.

Dr. Arrien’s website is www.AngelesArrien.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com an www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Jeffrey Zaslow

Broadcast and podcast starting: October 19, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 10-26-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Which of your friends have you known the longest? How long have you known that friend? Does the length of that friendship make it valued? Keeping childhood friends when you all still live in the same city is quite an accomplishment. It’s even more impressive when your schoolmates are scattered all over the country. Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames, documents the lifelong friendship of eleven girls form Ames Iowa who maintained close friendships for more than forty years, despite being scattered all over the country.

I had hoped reading The Girls from Ames might give profound insights into the glue of long friendships. Instead, it was like watching an episode of The Waltons. Simple truths. There are no magic bullets, friendships require a commitment and the follow through of being there for your friends. Graduating from high school poses a big challenge to childhood and high school friendships as so many people go away to college or move away to take a job or follow a lover who has moved. I found it interesting that as people get older, friendships are easier

-easier because we are more likely to have money for travel,
-easier because after childrearing is no longer consuming our time we have more time
-easier because we have less wanderlust and less need to try everything and more need for roots
-easier because we have more maturity and better understand the value of friendship.

Those who no longer work full-time have even more time for friendships. I find that a very positive message. Indeed if you start a friendship at 50 and live to 100, that is still a fifty year friendship.
That extra maturity also gives us more insight and empathy, for example providing more support to a parent her son or daughter/your friend dies. In the meantime, the ideal situation would be to have a grandparent, parent, or mentor who alerts us to relationships we should be paying more attention to.

What held the Girls from Ames together was a friends forever commitment they made to each other before they were even high school age. That is probably quite rare and most friends for life friendships are in twos or threes. I suspect that people from very small towns feel more bonding and commitment. People who have intense experiences with a church, sport team, or other organization probably are more likely to bond. People from unique schools that instill school loyalty are more likely to bond as well.

While Jeffrey Zaslow is probably correct that women’s friendships tend to be face to face, focused on sharing their lives, and emotional, while men’s friendships tend to be side by side doing things, there are many exceptions. A sizeable number of men have no interest in sports, poker, and macho pursuits and many men would cite women as their best friends. Indeed, as sex roles are becoming less distinct, the nature of male friendships may tend to become more like women’s friendships.

It will be interesting to see if Facebook provides the face time friendship requires. There is considerable research that finds people with friends live longer, healthier, happier lives. But that research doesn’t say anything about how long those friendships have to be. I note that there have been several movies about friendships that start when people are quite old. Examples include Morgan Freeman and Jack Nickelson in The Bucket Brigade. In the Bucket Brigade Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are very ill in a hospital and write their list of things to do before they die. While ostensibly men doing activities, they wrestled with meaning, purpose, relationships, and the angst of dying—face to face emotional heart to heart talks just like women have.

Research on friendship finds that as people age they tend to be more selective about friends and focus on a smaller number of quality friends and on family. This is as it should be. Youth is the time to try many different things including getting to know people from different backgrounds and cultures. By fifty, we have a pretty good idea of what relationships are likely to lead to quality friendships and what relationships are likely to be shallow. Thus the middle years and beyond are a time to focus on quality. But I would add a caveat. Salespeople know the importance of always seeking new customers. Otherwise, attrition will leave them with fewer and fewer clients. Likewise we need to cultivate some new friendships at every age so we don’t find ourselves with a paucity of friends.

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Broadcast and podcast starting: September 28, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 10-5-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Remember the first time a birthday made you feel old? the jokes? the doubts? the fears your best days were behind you? Maybe you imagined someday wasting away in a nursing home. That’s when you got sucked into the script for thinking and feeling old. Our youth-obsessed culture promotes the idea that aging is all downhill. But I’m here to tell you that for most of us, life gets better as we age. Today I will depart from my usual format of interviewing an anti-aging expert and share with you my Top Ten Social Perks for Being Over 50.So let me get right to my top ten list.

The Top Ten Social Perks of Being Over Sixty©

by Michael Brickey, Ph.D., ABPP

1. Research finds that older people are happier

Research finds that older people report being happier than younger people. The percentages of Americans who said they were very happy were: 28% at ages 18-27, 31% at 28-37, 32% at 38-47, 33% at 48-57, 36% at 58-67, and 38% at 68-77. It drops to 34% for ages 78-89. Still, the 78-89 year old Americans are happier than people under 60. Why? Older people are more comfortable and secure with who they are, what their values are, and what they want to do with their lives. Research finds they focus more on positive events and less on negative events.

[Reserach based on Mroczek, Daniel, & Kolarz, Christian.  The effect of age on positive and negative affect: A developmental perspective on happiness, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998, 75, 1333-1348.]

2. Less peer pressure

For most teens, especially girls, fitting in, being liked, and being popular are paramount issues. While seeing themselves as rebellious, teen culture is actually very conformist. Teens spend many hours worrying about the right clothes, the right music, and being hip. Age brings a clearer sense of identity and less importance on peer pressure. Employment requires being concerned about pleasing the boss, coworkers, and customers. When employment is no longer required for income, there is a new freedom from peer pressure.

3. More wisdom

Age brings experience and knowledge and learning from mistakes-our own mistakes and others’ mistakes. Living longer doesn’t guarantee wisdom, but it is a prerequisite.

4. More time

Rearing children takes a lot of time and energy. When they eventually leave home, it is eerie how quiet it becomes and how much more time there is. Retirement (or no longer having to work for the money) brings more discretionary time. It can be a time to pursue passions. It can be more time for friends and family. It can be more time to slow down, enjoy life more, think more, and smell the roses.

5. Better control of emotions

Research shows that age brings better skills at managing emotions and dealing with problems. Experience dealing with a lot of conflicts brings skills. In marital or long-term relationships, couples learn what to fight and what to accept. In short, age brings a larger, more tested repertoire for dealing with problems.

6. Better story tellers

Researchers had people listen to stories told by older people and younger people. They rated older peoples’ stories as more interesting, more informative, and of higher quality. This comes at a time in life when seniors are stepping up to being the family matriarchs and patriarchs and passing on family

traditions, values, and stories. People tune out lectures. Stories, however, hypnotize listeners and slide in the message.

7. Sexuality doesn’t complicate relationships as much

Many seniors have a rich sex life and sexuality is important in their lives. Sexuality, however, becomes less about proving manhood or validating being desirable and loved, and more about warmth, caring, and sharing. Age brings fewer worries about political correctness and whether a hug or compliment will be considered a pass or sexual harassment. For couples, there is less fear of children overhearing or interrupting intimate moments and less fear of an unwanted pregnancy. Older men often become more emotionally involved in sex as they need more physical stimulation.

8. Better quality friendships

Youth is a time to experiment and try new things. It is a time to make friends with a wide variety of people. Experience teaches which friendships are likely to be rewarding and which friendships are likely to be superficial. With age, some friendships last for decades. Such friendships are indeed treasures. Research finds that older people have fewer causal acquaintances. They place more emphasis on family and close friends, are more satisfied with their relationships than younger people, and feel strong bonds to close friends. Many “prune” their friendships and make remarks like, “I don’t have time for those people.” There is a shift from novelty to quality, from popularity to meaning.

9. Pride in age again

Children proudly hold up fingers to tell their age and can’t wait until their next birthday. Each birthday is a landmark event. Adults in their thirties, forties, fifties, and sixties see age as eroding vitality and attractiveness and try to hide and deny their age. After sixty, age starts becoming something to be proud of and gives a sense of accomplishment and achievement. By ninety or 100 there are serious bragging rights.

10. Understanding the circle of life

The story of Peter Pan begins, “All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.” Age bears witness to cycles of birth, marriage, children and death; of hard times and easy times; of war and peace. Age brings an understanding of life’s rhythms and cycles. A great sense of satisfaction comes with this glimpse into the secrets of the universe.

Certainly a person can have sixty years of experience or one year of experience sixty times. Of course, not everyone over sixty experiences these perks. The perks cite generalities. Nevertheless, if you are a person who continues to grow with age, you are likely to experience these perks.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Matt Narrett, Chief Medical Officer for Erickson Living®

Broadcast and podcast starting: August 20, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 8-31-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

To me, Erickson Living® is the Google of services for seniors. Its twenty communities are amazing, it’s medical services are the medical services we all wish we had, Erickson’s Retirement Living Television is only national TV network for seniors, the Erickson Tribune has a circulation of three million, and the Erickson School of Aging, Management and Policy at the University of Maryland and the Erickson Foundation conduct and support a lot of research on aging.

Last year I had the pleasure of interviewing John Erickson, a true visionary. He recently retired. When I learned that Erickson’s new COO and Erickson’s Medical Director, wrote a new book Old is the New Young: Erickson’s Secrets to Healthy Living, I knew it would be good and arranged to get Dr. Narrett on Ageless Lifestyles®.

I talk about John Erickson being a visionary because he doesn’t just see what people want and provide it. He envisions what we should want and makes it happen. Thus, Erickson Living®  has well-paid primary care doctors spending half an hour per patient visit, using electronic records networked with hospitals, and practicing holistic medicine and preventive medicine-all on a Medicare budget. If he had just created Erickson Living® it would be impressive. But to also create the Retirement Living TV, the Erickson Tribune, and the philanthropic and educational programs he has created, is stunning.

Happily, Erickson Living® isn’t the only visionary in senior healthcare. Bill Thomas, creator of the Eden Alternative and the Greenhouse Movement and Paul and Terry Klaasen of Sunrise Assisted Living also have visionary leadership. There are many more people making an impact on a smaller scale. I mention these people because of the size of their impact. It is an innovative time for seniors.

On the surface Old is the New Young isn’t a profound or visionary book. Much of the advice is advice commonly found in news reports and magazine articles. What is unique is that instead of piecemeal advice, the book weaves together a holistic picture of what seniors need, with an emphasis on having a life with purpose. The holistic picture is quite unique. Thus instead of advice like use your mind, do crossword puzzles; we are told crosswords are OK if you like them but what really matters is curiosity and interactive learning–and a reasonably good diet and reasonable amount of exercise to stay healthy mentally and physically.

Of course you never know where that curiosity and a little chutzpah will lead. After Erickson Living® community at Greenspring women in their 70s, 80s, and 90s  made the pin-up calendar, The Ladies of Greenspring Calendar, the men at Greenspring countered with The Hunks of Greenspring Calendar.

Erickson Living®’s website is www.Erickson.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Image/Dr. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot

Broadcast and podcast starting: August 3, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 8-10-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Chapters in books are so unnecessary. Think how many trees would be saved if the print just continued on. But we love chapters. They help us group concepts, alert us to transitions, and reward us for completing an episode. Harvard professor Dr. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot is a developmental sociologist who focuses on stages of human development. She describes ages 50-75 as the third chapter in our lives and titled her new book, The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50.

I’m amused at theorists that come up with principles that are so simplistic as to be useless tautologies like Freud’s conflict between our life and death drives, theologians who see life as a conflict between good and evil, and anti-aging products have the one single key to health and youthfulness. Stage theories can be simplistic and rigid. What I like about Erik Erickson’s eight stages and Dr. Lawrence-Lightfoot’s third chapter is that they are flexible and accommodate individual differences. Thus some third chapter Boomers and seniors focus on career walls, some go back to previous passions, some deal with unresolved traumas, and some go yet another direction. For some it is a shift from career achievement to making the world better or leaving a legacy. Earlier stages of development may be revisited briefly, in great depth, or not at all.

Self-help books and gurus tend to focus on building motivation, visualizing outcomes, and following principles. Dr. Lawrence-Lightfoot focuses on studying role models and their pain and struggles. As her book title indicates it’s adventure and it’s also risk. However, whether it is people starting a business or creating a new chapter in your life, naively following your bliss can be disastrous. The more you learn about and prepare for what you are getting into, the more likely you are to be successful. For example, when considering a new career, learn as much as you can about it. Role models and mentors can be enormously helpful in reducing trial and error learning. The Third Chapter is a wonderful source for role models on dealing with the personal and emotional anxieties and roller coaster ride that often goes with making big life changes. So why do it? As Erickson put it in his seven stage, it’s about generativity vs. stagnation.

Humans love stories and this is about making sense of your life story and choosing your next chapter-as opposed to just going with the flow and letting things happen. Thinking of your future as a story can help. Telling it to others is very helpful. The Third Chapter makes an excellent group discussion book and the web site has a free discussion guide. Perhaps writing your story can help as well. If you have ever taught a course, you know that you learn the material much better when you teach it to others. Likewise, you become much clearer about your story when you tell it to others or put your story in writing. Dr. Lawrence-Lightfoot’s website for her book is www.TheThirdChapter.com.  Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com. 

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Image/Color Consultant Dawn Waldrop

Broadcast and podcast starting: July 27, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 8-3-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

It may not be fair but people do judge a book by its cover. And people do judge you by your appearance-even before you say a word. One of the challenges of aging is that our body shapes and complexions gradually change with age. Your wardrobe and appearance can make you look older or younger, competent or clueless, fabulous or flat. What looked good at 20 can be quite unflattering at 50 or 60. Image and color expert Dawn Waldrop consults with and teaches business leaders and professionals on how to look their best. The result has often been promotions, raises, and increased sales. Today she is going to help us learn about how to choose colors and styles that help Boomer and help Seniors look and feel their best.

With my Anti-Aging ABCs®, I posit that how you think affects how you feel and how you feel affects how you look-your posture, demeanor, energy, and facial expressions-and when you look better, people respond to you more positively-prompting you to feel even better. The same is true for your wardrobe and appearance. When you wear clothes that fit well and are harmonious colors and fabrics, you feel better. You feel more energetic. And people respond to you more positively-both because of the vibes you are putting out and because of their response to your visual harmony. You could protest that all this is just superficial. But just as men are genetically programmed to respond to women’s figures, we are all genetically programmed to be attracted to beauty and harmony and be turned off by disharmony.

Certainly one can go overboard with clothes or cosmetics.  John Edwards didn’t need to pay $400 for a haircut. You can go overboard with anything. With good planning the right wardrobe for you can cost less as everything in your closet is functional and everything goes together. Choosing the right color costs the same as choosing the wrong color. The wasted money comes from a closet full of clothes you rarely wear. The wasted money also comes from the fashion industry’s planned obsolescence with incessant changes materials, lapels, lengths, and styles. That is certainly wasteful. For some being fashionable is a job requirement. Those on very tight budgets can favor choosing clothes that are slower to go out of style-as opposed to those Member’s Only jackets.

The bottom line is that time spent planning pays off in having a closet that works, not wasting money, and looking and feeling your best. In a nutshell the process is to

1.     Know what coloring and materials work for you.

2.     Study your activities and what kind of clothes you need for those activities.

3.     Find the stores that meet your needs. Dawn suggested that Internet stores often offer a better selection than what an individual store can stock.

Dawn Waldrop’s website is www.Best-Impressions.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guests Dr. Paula Forman and Dr. Jeff Johnson

Broadcast and podcast starting: May 25, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 6-1-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

How does a narcissistic generation that was determined to reshape the world deal with career crashes, job burnout, divorce, empty nests, aging parents, and deciding whether to retire? Psychologist Dr. Jeff Johnson and Sociologist Dr. Paula Forman, authors of The Hourglass Solution: A Boomer’s Guide to the Rest of Your Life, help us think out how what is unique about Boomers and how to generatively handle Boomer life transitions.

I didn’t highlight it in the interview but their metaphor is that in middle age many Boomers often feel that they are trapped by previous choices, and their lives are funneling into an increasingly narrow channel. Dr. Johnson and Dr. Forman see the dilemma as analogous to the narrow section of an hourglass.

The key to getting through this narrow passage and into the bottom part of the hourglass is realizing there are always options. They emphasize looking to other Boomers for role models and success stories to see new options and get unstuck. It make take courage to make the changes, but the ensuing renewed sense of purpose is usually well worth the risk.

They see Baby Boomers as still destined to change the world-because of their generation’s size, values, ideals, and sense of entitlement. They were also clear that most Boomers find traditional retirement unsatisfying. That is because most Boomers get bored with retirement and because so much of our identity derives from what we do vocationally or avocationally. It is time to retire the word retirement and have a new vision for Greater Adulthood.

So often discussion about Boomers is just nostalgia and trivia. I found it fascinating to explore the Boomer experience and how it is evolving. In particular, I was fascinated by their image of Boomers having a very strong sense of entitlement, very broad boundaries, and a willingness to take on all responsibilities including careers, micromanaging their kids and caring for their aging parents. The downside can be difficulty in prioritizing and difficulty in trying to do everything.

Clearly, Boomers will continue to have a profound effect on our culture. Dr. Johnson and Dr. Forman view Boomers through the lens of psychology, sociology, advertising, their own experience, and hundreds of interviews with Boomers. Their perspective has a pride in Boomerdom and encourages embracing choice and learning from other Boomers.

Their website is www.TheHourGlassSolution.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

P.S. If you have a good term for what term should replace retirement, I’d love to hear it, share it with other listeners, and I’ll also pass it on to Dr. Johnson and Dr. Forman. Just send an email to radio@AgelessLifestyles.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Beth Ross

Broadcast and podcast starting: March 9, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 3-16-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

As Betty Davis said in All About Eve, “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.” Unemployment rates are approaching 10% and you can hear the fear in a lot of conversations. But the very nature of change invariably creates new opportunities. Employers who are reluctant to hire full-time employees often seek free lancers, consultants, and part-timers to get the work done. Creative job seekers are using bridge jobs to get their foot in the door, gain new experience, and build a resume. Career Coach and Executive Search expert Dr. Beth Ross emphasizes creative approaches to dealing with a topsy turvy job market.

In his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell, the author of Blink and of Tipping Point, analyzes what determines what people have extraordinarily successful careers. While IQ helps, after about 130 it doesn’t matter. One factor is what he calls the 10,000 hour rule-that it takes about 10,000 hours of study in a cognitively complex field to master it. That may sound intimidating but it is only 40 hours a week for five years-not much longer than it takes to get a college degree.

With longer and longer lifespans and better health at older ages, it become quite feasible for people in their 50s, 60s, or 70s to learn a new professions and perform it at a mastery level for many years. Of course, some jobs require college degrees or certifications. But some primarily require experience – hence the concept of bridge jobs for changing careers – either to escape burnout and seek more interesting work, or because one’s niche is becoming as obsolete as drying up and like VCRs and 8-track tapes.

Gladwell points out another factor, being in the right place at the right time. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs got in on the ground floor of the computer industry. Few of us are going to be that successful or famous, but the same principle applies-and fortunately with a shorter time frame. When Beth Ross talked about researching what jobs are hot, she was talking about opportunity timing.

Let me give a concrete example. There are more nursing homes than there are McDonald’s restaurants and each one has an administrator. What does it take to be a nursing home administrator? You need business management skills, HR skills, and some knowledge of gerontology and healthcare. What are the credentialing requirements? While it varies from state to state, typically you need a college degree, five courses-nursing home administration, healthcare financial management, legal issues in healthcare, gerontology, and personnel management. Your probably also need a supervised internship. You could get a bridge job in a nursing home, such as an admissions coordinator, and take course part-time. Or you could go to school full time for a semester or two and seek the job. The average salary is $90,000. While we hope the Eden revolutions change nursing homes into more home like, resident-centered facilities where people would want to live, with 1.6 nursing home patients and almost a million assisted living residents in the US, there are a lot of jobs and the aging population is going to expand the demand.

In our interview, Dr. Ross talked about the importance of talking with everyone. People considering a career change to a job like nursing home administrator, would want to talk with everyone they know who knows anything about nursing homes. They should visit nursing homes, learn about the field, and then decide if it is a good move. I’m not pushing that job but I thought a concrete example would help.

As for career coaching, I’ll restate my rule of thumb, that while always helpful, career counseling is most critical when reinventing a career, taking a creative or uncharted course, honing resume and interview skills, or when getting a job soon is critical.

Career Coach Dr. Beth Ross does career counseling, executive coaching, coaching on nitty-gritty issues like interviewing, resume writing, and salary negotiation, and is a professional speaker. She is based in New York City but also does a lot of work with Silicon Valley near San Francisco. Her website is www.BethRoss.com.  Dr. Brickey’s websites include DrBrickey.com and Anti-Aging-Speaker.com. One particularly good resource for job information and job trends is the Occupational Outlook Handbook at http://www.bls.gov/oco/www.bls.gov and in the reference section of almost every library.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Sexologist Dr. Robert Birch

Broadcast and podcast starting: March 2, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 3-9-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

While cake is good without icing, sex is the icing on the cake that makes intimate relationships especially sweet. Our humor is a good indication of how important sex is to us, and how much anxiety we have about it. It takes more than a little blue pill to have a fulfilling sex life. Sexologist Dr. Robert Birch has more thirty years experience working with men, women, and couples on sexual concerns. Although retired from clinical practice he still writes extensively how to have a more fulfilling sexual life.

Dr. Robert Birch has been a pioneer in sex therapy and has specialized in sex therapy for more than 30 years. He is the author of numerous books and e-books and an erotic novel. His hardcover books include Oral Caress: A Loving Guide to Exciting a Woman, Sex and the Aging Male, A Sex Therapist’s Manual, Pathways to Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Orgasm, Male Sexual Endurance: A Man’s Book About Ejaculatory Control, Not to the Letter of the Law: Poetry in the Spirit of the Glosa, Rhubarb Pie: With Just a Taste of Naughty, A Bite Out of the Rainbow: A Mosaic of Erotic Verse, Tales of Erotic Encounters: X-Rated Short Stories, and Gray Pleasures. Information on all of his books is at oralcaress.com, which has books, DVDs, and a lot more. Note: his website and books are explicit.Dr. Brickey’s websites include DrBrickey.com and Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Dr. Robert Birch is like an artist who loves his work. He is like a cook who loves to cook. Retire? Artists and cooks don’t retire-they love their art and love their food. Talking with Dr. Birch is like talking with a Robert Frost or a Julia Child.

Most sex therapists talk a lot about technique. I love the way Dr. Robert Birch places the emphasis on outlook an attitude. His biggest emphasis is on sex as play. The spice is creativity and adventure. His metaphor is enjoying the trip whether you get to the destination or not. It is sex that lasts a lifetime. Some of the keys were focusing on the sensual as opposed to performance and talking positively, for example I love it when you do that as opposed to why don’t you ever….

I found it fascinating that in his 30 years of research and clinical experience he finds a lot of middle aged men avoiding sex for fear they won’t perform well. The shift to a mindset of a playful trip means there is no grade. I also was fascinated to learn that swingers have very clear rules. It was also fascinating that most people in open marriages eventually end up closing the relationship, that is making it exclusive, …or getting a divorce. Why, sex and relationships require trust and it’s hard to have trust without rules and in an open marriage. Of course, Dr. Birch’s first rule is play.

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