Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. George Zilbergeld

Broadcast and podcast on webtalkradio.net. The podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Wine and cheese can get better with age, but sex? The principal author of Sex & Love at Midlife: It’s Better Than Ever drew upon decades of clinical experience as a sex therapist and on interviews with 145 men and women ages 45 to 87. For some, sex gradually worsened with age, but for many, sex got better than ever. Sexologist Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld died before his book came to press this year. With us to share the fruits of his work is his brother and coauthor, Dr. George Zilbergeld.

Sex and Love at Midlife uniquely profiles lovers’ traits, thinking, and lifestyles so we can emulate them. It gives a hopeful message that many couples, including older couples and couples with previous failed marriages, can become lovers. It also give a hopeful message that sex can get better with age—even when there are serious physical disabilities.

I hope, however, that people don’t think that they are less than successful or worthy if they aren’t lovers, or for that matter choose to try to be lovers. We have many choices in life and when we spend time in one pursuit there is less time for other pursuits. Thus, some professors find their research the most fascinating, rewarding part of their lives and choose to focus their time on their research. The result may be we get a cure for cancer sooner rather than later. Many entrepreneurs view their business as their babies. Athletes and performance artists may choose to focus on their sport while they are in their athletic prime. Some people are very good at socializing and become the grease that makes organizations or groups work. They may find their love of people in groups more rewarding than a one-to-one romantic relationship. A lot of politicians probably fit this pattern. Some people have been burned by abuse or failed relationships and are not willing to take the emotional risk. Some people have poor social skills and intuitively know it would be extremely difficult for them to have the emotional intimacy of Zilbergeld’s lovers. Examples include people with autism, schizoid personalities, and schizophrenia. Some people have such strong need to be in control that keeping a certain distance is more appealing than risking intimacy. Thus being a lover is a great goal but not something everyone must or should pursue.

That said, the only way I would disagree with George Zilbergeld, is that in the interview he tended to take an almost nagging parent approach of why aren’t you doing this. Since Bernie was a therapist, I suspect that while he hopes more people will become lovers, he understands and respects people who choose or invest their time in other ways or for emotional reasons choose not to pursue a lover lifestyle.

Dr. Brickey’s other websites include www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Barbara Bellman

Broadcast and podcast starting: Feb. 2, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 2-9-09 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Flirting is like salt and pepper. Just a dash makes dinner so much more enjoyable. But if you try to flirt at 50, 60, or 70 the way you did at 20 or 30, you’ll look foolish and ridiculous. Today Barbara Bellman, author of Flirting After Fifty, applies her marketing and branding skills to help us learn how women and men can flirt at 50, 60, and even 90 or 100.

Barbara Bellman’s website is www.FlirtingAfterFifty.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

I am delighted to welcome our sponsor Dr. Barry Sears’ Zone Labs. Dr. Sears developed the Zone Diet and is author of several best sellers including the The Zone and Toxic Fat. Listeners and readers can get a limited time 10% discount on your first purchase of Dr. Sears’ supplements to help you stafy healthy and lose weight. This includes vitamins, antioxidants, Zone snack bars, and much more. I especially recommend his fish oil which is double refined and has every batch tested to avoid toxins, metals and oxidation. To get the discount, go to www.ZoneDiet.com and use the promotional code “Ageless” or call 1-800-404-8171 and use the promotional code “Ageless.”

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Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Jim Houran

Broadcast and podcast starting: 11-17-08 on webtalkradio.net. After 11-23-08 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

It’s not just young people and the 23½ million single Baby Boomers using online dating, more than five million people over 55 have used online dating as well. Instead of dating being largely limited to coworkers, people in common organizations, bars, and introductions from friends and family, online dating casts a huge net that greatly enhances your ability to find exactly the kind of person you are looking for. Online dating psychologist Dr. Jim Houran helps us learn how to meet Mr. or Ms Right and reduce the chances of getting burned-or even flamed.

To summarize Dr. Jim Houran’s advice, novices probably do best by starting with large free sites like PlentyofFish.com to get a feel for online dating. With that feel, they may want to move on to niche sites. The biggest mistake people make is not investing the time and effort in well thought out postings and engaging photographs. The other big mistake people often make is not being clear about who they are and what they are looking for. It’s not magic, it’s a process of increasing the odds of success. I especially liked the idea that it isn’t necessarily the most glamorous photo, but often the most friendly and approachable photo that gets the click. On similarity and compatibility, it appears that similarity helps with religion, values, and perhaps politics, and is somewhat important for education and intelligence. When it comes to personality, however, it is hard to predict what works. Finally, Dr. Houran suggested that rather than just matching for similarities, as eharmony.com does, the most sophisticated online dating is assessing and coaching. I.e., assessments give suggestions on where and how to look and how to present yourself. Of course, this runs the risk of the advice being self-serving for paid services as opposed to objective advice that is in your best interest.

Dr. James Houran is a columnist for onlinedatingmagazine.com where he has several dozen articles. Rather than the usual off the cuff advice, Dr. Houran’s columns are solidly based in research and even footnote sources. His Office Hours with Dr. Jim column are at www.onlinedatingmagazine.com Dr. Houran also is President of 20│20 skills, a company that does assessments and training for service industry businesses.

Dr. Houran’s “Office Hours with Dr. Jim” column are on www.OnlineDatingMagazine.com. His consulting business is at www.2020skills.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

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