Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Barbara Strauch

Broadcast and podcast on webtalkradio.net. The podcast is also on the links below

 

 Boomer and Senior Brains Can Get Better with Age [52:12m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

It is hard to see the big picture trying to digest a pile of journal articles, press releases, or newsletter and newspaper articles. Barbara Strauch (pronounce Starch) is very talented at putting research in perspective with an appreciation of the importance of the quality of research design and a knack for writing about it in a way that speaks to both scientists and the public. She is the author of The Secret Life of the Grown Up Brain.I find her findings important in three ways:

• reassurance that a lot of experience in middle age, like daydreaming and forgetting things, is normal for middle age and not a reason for alarm

• that there are neurological improvements as including grown of new neurons, even in the hippocampus, mylenization of nerves that helps neurons function as much as 100% more efficiently, and the amygdala shifting from an emphasis on negative events to and emphasis on positive events.

• longitudinal research discrediting the midlife crisis and empty nest sage theories.

Myths we covered included:

• There is no new neuron growth after puberty

• There are no structural changes after puberty

• The midlife crisis and empty nest syndrome theories were based on small poorly designed studies that have been discredited by longitudinal studies

• The brain isn’t just like a computer in that it is constantly adapting and rewiring itself

• many nutrients can pass the blood brain barrier

• far from aging being downhill, people tend to be happier with age, with happiness peaking around age 65

• How middle aged brains are different

          o myelin-peaks at age 50 (greater bandwidth)

          o slower processing speed

          o reorganize—both sides of the brain

          o biased toward the positive amygdala

          o more knowledge

          o better emotional control

          o seeing patterns and big pictures, anticipate situations, templates

          o estrogen and menopause

          o value on experiences, relationships vs. novelty

          o poorer at multi-tasking

          o better vocabularies

          o nutrients do cross the blood brain barrier

          o inflammation

          o calmer, happier

• how to maintain, even improve skills

          o education—brain reserve

          o exercise-aerobic

           o nutrition

          o socialize

          o stretch cognitively

Barbara Strauch’s website is www.grownupbrain.com Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Ofer Zur

Broadcast and podcast starting: May 10, 2010 on webtalkradio.net. After 5-17-10 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Comedian Mike Birbiglia says he dreamt that he could fly but in the dream decided not to fly for safety reasons. Dr. Ofer Zur reminds us that you are more likely to die on the freeway than from life enhancing pursuits that make us feel alive. Ofer and I discussed how most therapy clients, while presenting with problems like depression and anxiety, are primarily seeking a sense of purpose and connection. We discussed how a bucket list is a great is a great idea as long as isn’t static, but gets periodically updated to reflect our changing needs as our lives change.

Ofer talked about how our culture sees death as a failure instead of part of the natural rhythm of life. He sees an emphasis on more toys, fancier cars, cosmetic surgery, more and better sex, and miraculous technology as often an attempt to deny death. Those emphases have a lot of financial vested interests in selling toys and surgeries, in filling hospital and nursing home beds, and in selling pills even when a patient’s quality of life is abysmal.

There are, however, several aspects of our culture that are improving how we view death:

• If you think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, most Americans are able to meet their basic needs and have the luxury of being able to give considerable thought and pursuit to being fully alive.
• Most Baby Boomers are not willing to settle for reaching 65, getting a gold watch, and retiring to obscurity. Most want to continue to make a difference at every age. As Ofer put it, they want to die erect.
• Boomers’ experiences caring for aging parents are shaping a more realistic outlook on how they want to age and die.
• While we didn’t talk about it, the greenhouse movement and Eden alternative are starting to change nursing homes from institutions to homes. More information on that is in my Ageless Lifestyles® interview with Beth Baker. To find it just search the contents section of AgelessLifestyles.com or the link in the commentary for this show.
• Americans are increasing seeking alternative medicine as well as conventional medicine.
• The hospice movement has had a huge impact on how we view dying from chronic illnesses.

The hospice movement has prompted increased calls for physicians to go along with a good death. In England in 2007 and 2008, more than 16% of deaths were from continuous deep sedation until death. The procedure usually takes a few days. Most of the patients have terminal illnesses and are in the late stages of dying. Netherlands physicians started with lethal injections, which only takes a few minutes. Continuous deep sedation has become more common there, however, because lethal injections “required so much paperwork.” Oregon’s 1997 Death with Dignity legislation set up a number of procedures to serve as safeguards against requests that don’t involve intractable unbearable pain or terminal illness. This is also called a timely death as opposed to a “premature” death.

Philosopher and right to die advocate James Park makes an excellent argument that rather than setting up a bureaucracy for asking permission to die, we should have laws about what constitutes a premature death. Crossing the line would be a criminal offense and the burden of proof would be on the prosecution. I think that makes a lot of sense. We don’t need a HIPPA law version of a right to die. Personally what I favor most is allowing patients to choose to stop taking medications, dialysis, and even food and water and die a natural death. That way physicians are not dragged into a Dr. Death role and the qualms that may bring.

While I strongly support a right to die as we choose and without bureaucracy, caution is also indicated. Family or governments may pressure people who don’t to die to conserve resources and make a human sacrifice. It’s a slippery slope. I agree with Ofer that we are out of balance in expecting unlimited healthcare as a right and entitlement and not appreciating limited resources. Great caution is needed to make sure the pendulum doesn’t swing too far the other way. It’s one thing for soldiers to make a sacrifice for the greater good. That is very different form asking civilians to give up their lives if they feel it would be premature. The cultural shift needs to come from alternative views like hospice as opposed to bureaucrats. Further, alternatives influence choices. Many who live in nursing homes might choose to die. If they were living in their own home or a Greenhouse or Eden alternative home, might find life quite fulfilling. Those alternatives, by the way, are a little more expensive to build but no more expensive to run.

Well, I’m getting sidetracked on right to life issues. The main theme of the interview was how being ready to die at anytime enhances our living fully now.

Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Frank Wildman

,H3>

Broadcast and podcast starting: April 26, 2010 on webtalkradio.net. After 5-3-10 the podcast is also on the links below (to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Moshe Feldenkrais, who died in 1984, created a very unique movement therapy system based on a systems understanding of the mind and body, a developmental approach to movement, and increasing awareness of movement. I have tried to read Feldenkrais books and had about ten individual Feldenkrais sessions. The books were daunting. The particular instructor I had while brilliant was so nondirective it was very frustrating.

I was delighted when I found Frank Wildman’s Change Your Age. First, I was thrilled with the concept of “movement age” being another way to measure aging. The developmental psychology and optimistic approach fit well with my developmental psychology background and unsinkable optimism. To my delight his book and approach is very practical, readable, and as directive as Feldenkrais can get. Not only does Frank break exercises into five-minute explorations instead of one-hour lessons, he even gives his private practice patients homework “prescriptions.” 

To review key concepts in the interview, the change your age concept is that we develop habits and our habits become rigid, causing us to move like “old people.” To add to the problem, popular approaches to exercise tend to only move certain muscles in certain ways and leave us unprepared for lateral moves and dealing with varied situations. Taking some time to become more aware of our bodies and do movements we don’t normally do can undo movement aging and rigidity.

The payoff is moving with grace, integration, and coordination, moving more adaptively, reducing pain and tension, reducing the risk of accidents and fractures, and reducing wear and tear on our bodies. A bonus is these short exercises can be done at home, with no special equipment or special clothing and you don’t even break a sweat. For me one of the take aways doesn’t even require a five minute exercise. I am now encouraging myself to squirm and move around a lot when I sit in a chair or car seat.  

Dr. Frank Wildman was a dancer and choreographer before studying with Moshe Feldenkrais for ten years. He was Feldenkrais’ first North American student and became his chief promoter in North America. During that time, he also acquired degrees in physical education, biology, and somatic psychology.  His most recent (2010) book is Change Your Age: Using Your Body and Brain to Feel Younger, Stronger, and More Fit. He also is author of Feldenkrais: The Busy Person’s Guide to Easier Movement, Fibromyalgia: Relief From Chronic Muscle Pain and many CDs and DVDs.

His websites are  www.changeyourage.net and www.FeldenkraisInstitute.org. He is Educational Director of the Feldenkrais Movement Institute and has a private practice in Berkley California. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guests: Painter Alice Matzkin and Sculptor Richard Matzkin

Broadcast and podcast starting: April 12, 2010 on webtalkradio.net. After 4-19-10 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 A Painter and Sculptor’s Perspectives on Aging: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

So much of Americans’ views of aging are negative. For example, in the movie Harold and Maude, the priest tells Harold:

“I would be remiss in my duty if I did not tell you that the idea of intercourse – the act of your firm, young body… comingling with… withered flesh… sagging breasts… and flabby b-b-buttocks… makes me want… to vomit.”

Alice and Richard Matzkin found themselves intimidated by aging but instead of trying to duck it, they sought out seniors to paint and sculpt and it dramatically changed their perspectives on aging and enriched their lives. They documented their painting and sculptures and insights in their book The Art of Aging, and share their experience with us in this interview.

Art is about seeing and experiencing life from a different perspective. I found talking with Alice and Richard brought up a paradox. They were very into accepting aging and our aging bodies–the idea of aging gracefully. They see aging bodies as beautiful. I always disliked the term aging gracefully. I am more of the Dylan Thomas philosophy and his poetic advice:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Some people find aging very disturbing and some take it in stride. Alice and Richard found it disturbing and wrestled with it with brush and chisel. They found painting and sculpting seniors both therapeutic and a self-growth experience. Richard sees many people fearing aging. Now quite comfortable with their aging, they refer to themselves as old. They see wrinkles and sagging skin as a map of well earned character.

My role model is the Energizer Bunny on alkaline batteries. While normal batteries wear out gradually, alkaline batteries last longer and maintain a constant energy level until they die rather quickly. Thus, a youthful mental outlook, a healthy diet, appropriate exercise, supplements, balancing hormones, and possibly even surgery are all part of the arsenal for raging against the dying of the light.

We do want to feel comfortable with our age and aging. We do want to feel comfortable with death. We do want to have our awareness that we all die increase our feelings of the preciousness of life and fully appreciating each moment and experience. Graceful aging, however, suggests going along with the program for aging that our parents and grandparents followed. Just as Alice chose to focus on passionate older women rather than women defeated by aging, I would rather focus on a vision of the best possible aging and focus on vital, healthy centenarian role models for how to do it. Further, I want to factor in both how we are aging much better than our parents’ generation and factor in the technological advances that will help us live decades longer.

So back to the paradox. Should we accept aging and death or should we rage against it? My answer is both. (That’s what paradoxes are about.) Accepting aging and death makes us comfortable in our own skins and our own lives. Pursing a youthful mindset and health practices greatly enhances our lives and lifespans.

I certainly agree that when you sparkle on the inside, it shows on the outside. Passion and integrity outshine wrinkles. It is also true, however, that people do judge a book by its cover and do tend to listen more to and want to be with people who are attractive and have a youthful vigor. Thus accepting aging and raging against aging aren’t mutually exclusive but potentially cumulative.

As you gathered, I think The Art of Aging is a wonderful book and a very unique book. Do check out photos from the book at http://matzkinstudio.com/newsFrame.html. If you like this program, you will also like a previous show I did with artist Amy Gorman who interviewed and wrote a book and did a documentary film on centenarian artists. That show, “How Art Can Help You Age Better,” is archived on www.AgelessLifestyles.com.

Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

The Matzkins photo is courtesy of Donna Granata, Focus on the Masters, Series 2009

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Annette Simmons

Broadcast and podcast starting: March 1, 2010 on webtalkradio.net. After 3-8-10 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Better Storytelling; Better Aging: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

  Dr. Mehmet Oz says “by the time we are 50, two-thirds of how we age will be determined by lifestyle.” The goal Ageless Lifestyles® is to help you live a longer, healthier, happier life. One of the biggest challenges with aging is reinventing a sense of purpose and contribution as we age. I know it may sound strange, but I believe becoming a better storyteller is very helpful with longevity, health, and happiness. Let me count the ways:

· By helping you be more successful at communicating your ideas and influencing people, you are better able to follow your purpose and succeed at your goals.

· Becoming a good storyteller promotes you to a family matriarch or patriarch, championing the family traditions and values you love in a way that captures the minds and hearts of family members of all ages.

· Storytelling develops a sense of confidence and efficacy.

· It’s fun.

So what did Annette Simons teach us about storytelling? It is easy to think, I would like to be a good storyteller, but I don’t have any stories. She points out we have all had life crises, challenges and transitions, and thus we all have stories. How to find them? She breaks it six kinds of stories:

1. Who am I?
2. Why am I here?
3. Teaching
4. Vision
5. Values in action
6. I know what you are thinking

While some storytellers have different classifications, Annette Simmons’ system in especially well suited for everyday living, thinking about aging, as well as business. Let’s focus on aging. The who am I? stories are especially important as we update our identity when we experience life transitions and health challenges. It can vary from the somewhat negative why me? to the more positive what now? Life transitions and challenges also prompt why am I here? stories to update our purpose. Teaching stories are especially important for how we view aging. An example is the story I told about the 94-year-old man who believed he was 64. Vision stories look at the big picture and purpose. Values in action stories are particular important in aging in making sure people don’t write off seniors as obsolete or irrelevant but view seniors as having a lot to contribute. Finally, I know what you are thinking stories are marvelous for acknowledging skepticism and differences, starting where the listener is, and leading them to considering possibilities that they usually would rule out.

Ms Simmons’ website is www.groupprocessconsulting.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com and www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Neil Fiore

Broadcast and podcast starting: January 4, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 1-11-10 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Aging, Hypnosis and Story Telling [61:49m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

My 9-year-old twins are on book six of Harry Potter. My college students son and daughter watched the Star Wars and the Ring movies, my wife watches lot of science fiction TV, and yes I love Desperate Housewives. We crave stories and have lots of stories about success in business and sports, but few about how to age well. We met today’s guest, Dr. Neil Fiore, author of Coping with the Emotional Impact of Cancer, when he shared with us the psychological strategies that helped him overcome a “terminal” cancer diagnosis thirty years ago. He is a master of storytelling and hypnosis and today shares with us how stories can help us be liver healthier, happier, and longer lives.

It is such a delight talking with Dr. Neil Fiore. I thought it might help to give some context for Ericksonian therapy compared to other psychotherapies. In the, Dr. Albert Ellis challenged Freudian psychology with how your thinking was wrong, and in-your-face advice about what you should do. Dr. Phil is the reincarnation of Albert Ellis.

Also in the 1950s, Dr. Carl Rogers’ challenged Freudian psychology with his client center therapy, which became very popular. Rogers believed the answer was within the client, and would loving feed back and paraphrase what the client said to help the client sort things out for himself. With little credit, Rogerian therapy is the approach many personal coaching programs are teaching coaches these days.

In the 1960s, Dr. B. F. Skinner developed radical behaviorism, which said behavior change was all a matter of what you reinforce and what you punish. Eventually, cognitive behavioral therapy became the most popular therapy, using Skinner’s reinforcement principles and Ellis’ emphasis on what you think—the cognitive in cognitive behavioral psychology.

Like Rogers, Erickson believed people have the wisdom already within them but need guidance in finding it. But rather than just facilitating the client finding the answer within, Erickson assessed what the client needed and crafted a story to help the client discover and realize the solution. Which school of therapy is right? If you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Therapists who have a full toolkit, tend to use their favorite tools but also use a different tool if that if what the client needs.

Comedians follow the rule of three in setting up jokes—two to set up the pattern and one to violate it. Dr. Fiore described how Erickson’s rule of three was to give three validations, for example acknowledging his son’s pain, blood, and fear, before leading him a new direction with thoughts about bragging rights. NLP practitioners and hypnotists call this pacing where the client is and then leading where the client needs to go.

Neil is also very into thinking of the brain as a computer and taking control of the computer by overwriting problematic default programs. With depression, for example, just by noting each day three things that went well, and what you did to help it happen, you may not need the Prozac. Finally, he places a lot of emphasis on quickly taking control of emotions and relaxing by inhaling, holding your breath, tensing muscles, exhaling, connecting with your environment, realizing you are taking control, and tuning into wonder rather than worry.

Dr. Fiore’s website is www.neilfiore.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com an www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.ous love at every age.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Carol Denker

Broadcast and podcast starting: December 21, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 12 28-09 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Love and Romance After 50 [44:25m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Television shows like to snicker and make fun of grey-haired romance, but journalist Carol Denker found that love and even sex after 50 can be better than ever—and illustrates it with stories and pictures from sixty couples who found love after 50 and found it to be better than ever.If you have ever thought, if I knew then what I know now…., this is about how, whether married or single, you can have that second chance with love and romance grey hair and all.

This is about feeling like a sixteen-year-old in love even if you have a sixty, seventy, or older body. Ms Denker’s book is Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love After 50.I love the song Young at Heart, you know:
Fairy tales can come true; it can happen to you
If you’re young at heart…. My favorite version has Jimmy Durante singing it as his voice is old and his soul is young. Carol Denker’s stories and photos are like a Frank Capra movie—uplifting and renewing our belief in everyday miracles.

The common thread was a change in attitude and outlook, shedding any slavery to peer pressures, and taking risks. It was interesting that she identified several clusters—including those who chose to pursue a lot of self-growth, those who reconnected with old sweethearts, and those who found someone with whom they had “so much in common.”  Just as real life is often stranger than fiction, the stories read like fairy tales. But, as Jimmy Durante sang, fairy tales came come true—if you’re young at heart. Carol’s couples give us a lot of clues as to how  to do it and inspiration to believe and seek amorous love at every age.

Carol Denker’s website is www.autumnlove.org. The site about her protraits is www.aportraitbycarol.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com an www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Dr. Angeles Arrien

Broadcast and podcast starting: December 7, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 12 14-09 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Aging in the Second Half of Life [50:02m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Children immerse themselves in the fun and identity metaphors of Harry Potter, young adults in the metaphors, mentors, and finding meaning in Star Wars. But what about the quest for identity and meaning after 50? Dr. Arrien has studied literature, poetry, and many cultures to help us seek our own quest for a richer, more meaningful second half of life.To review, like the Freudian psychologist Carl Jung, Dr. Arrien is fascinated with symbols, metaphors, and cultural heritage.

In The Second Half of Life, she focuses on the neglected subject of psychological and spiritual development after 50. It is refreshing to hear our sixties described as the youth of our wisdom years and eighties and nineties and beyond as the peak of our wisdom years. She describes 50 as a milestone when people tend to start shifting from an emphasis on ambition to an emphasis on meaning, from doing to being, from acquisition to divestiture, from me to we. She describes it as a time of increased clarity and objectivity.

She distinguishes journaling from keeping a diary with journaling being more insight and action oriented. She uses four questions: What has inspired me, what has challenged me, what has surprised me, and what has touched or moved me. She noted that in death and dying research, people want the closure of having addressed five issues: thank you, I love you, forgive me, I forgive you, and goodbye. She talked about the eight lies, for example, I’ll be happy when I have more money, when I marry the right person, when I and more successful, etc. and the four bones—the backbone, wishbone, funny bone and hollow bone.

Addressing this subject was a stretch for me in while I certainly use a lot of metaphors in therapy, coaching, and hypnosis, I usually use them strategically to achieve a fairly specific objectives, as opposed to be immersed in them as a general growth exercise. It’ not a question of who is right but different people resonating with different styles. For example, some people thrive on meditation; while others would find it torture. Thus, I am delighted to have the diversity, and I am delighted to stretch my own thinking and my own style by reading The Second Half of Life and talking with Dr. Arrien.

I read her book the hard way—in a day. It is really much better suited and more valuable to read a few pages a day to let the ideas incubate before reading more. I find her concept of concept of monthly journaling with a focus on growth questions and action especially generative. Finally, it is important to get associate with positive people. Dr. Arrien is positive and her view of aging is very refreshing and positive.

Dr. Arrien’s website is www.AngelesArrien.com. Dr. Brickey’s other websites are www.DrBrickey.com an www.Anti-Aging-Speaker.com.

Host: Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Guest: Jeffrey Zaslow

Broadcast and podcast starting: October 19, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 10-26-09 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Keeping Friends a Long Time [17:08m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

Which of your friends have you known the longest? How long have you known that friend? Does the length of that friendship make it valued? Keeping childhood friends when you all still live in the same city is quite an accomplishment. It’s even more impressive when your schoolmates are scattered all over the country. Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames, documents the lifelong friendship of eleven girls form Ames Iowa who maintained close friendships for more than forty years, despite being scattered all over the country.

I had hoped reading The Girls from Ames might give profound insights into the glue of long friendships. Instead, it was like watching an episode of The Waltons. Simple truths. There are no magic bullets, friendships require a commitment and the follow through of being there for your friends. Graduating from high school poses a big challenge to childhood and high school friendships as so many people go away to college or move away to take a job or follow a lover who has moved. I found it interesting that as people get older, friendships are easier

-easier because we are more likely to have money for travel,
-easier because after childrearing is no longer consuming our time we have more time
-easier because we have less wanderlust and less need to try everything and more need for roots
-easier because we have more maturity and better understand the value of friendship.

Those who no longer work full-time have even more time for friendships. I find that a very positive message. Indeed if you start a friendship at 50 and live to 100, that is still a fifty year friendship.
That extra maturity also gives us more insight and empathy, for example providing more support to a parent her son or daughter/your friend dies. In the meantime, the ideal situation would be to have a grandparent, parent, or mentor who alerts us to relationships we should be paying more attention to.

What held the Girls from Ames together was a friends forever commitment they made to each other before they were even high school age. That is probably quite rare and most friends for life friendships are in twos or threes. I suspect that people from very small towns feel more bonding and commitment. People who have intense experiences with a church, sport team, or other organization probably are more likely to bond. People from unique schools that instill school loyalty are more likely to bond as well.

While Jeffrey Zaslow is probably correct that women’s friendships tend to be face to face, focused on sharing their lives, and emotional, while men’s friendships tend to be side by side doing things, there are many exceptions. A sizeable number of men have no interest in sports, poker, and macho pursuits and many men would cite women as their best friends. Indeed, as sex roles are becoming less distinct, the nature of male friendships may tend to become more like women’s friendships.

It will be interesting to see if Facebook provides the face time friendship requires. There is considerable research that finds people with friends live longer, healthier, happier lives. But that research doesn’t say anything about how long those friendships have to be. I note that there have been several movies about friendships that start when people are quite old. Examples include Morgan Freeman and Jack Nickelson in The Bucket Brigade. In the Bucket Brigade Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are very ill in a hospital and write their list of things to do before they die. While ostensibly men doing activities, they wrestled with meaning, purpose, relationships, and the angst of dying—face to face emotional heart to heart talks just like women have.

Research on friendship finds that as people age they tend to be more selective about friends and focus on a smaller number of quality friends and on family. This is as it should be. Youth is the time to try many different things including getting to know people from different backgrounds and cultures. By fifty, we have a pretty good idea of what relationships are likely to lead to quality friendships and what relationships are likely to be shallow. Thus the middle years and beyond are a time to focus on quality. But I would add a caveat. Salespeople know the importance of always seeking new customers. Otherwise, attrition will leave them with fewer and fewer clients. Likewise we need to cultivate some new friendships at every age so we don’t find ourselves with a paucity of friends.

Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey

Broadcast and podcast starting: October 12, 2009 on webtalkradio.net. After 10-17-09 the podcast is also on the links below

 

 Life Makovers [27:40m]: Play NowDownload

(to download, right click download and select “save target as.”)

You wouldn’t run a business without a plan, but  do you have a written plan for your life? Dr. Brickey walks you through a multi-level system for developing a plan for your life. The system is loosely based on Robert Dilts’ Logical Levels.

The Logical Levels of Life Planning

Level	Question	Function	Components
Spiritual	Who else?	transmission	vision and mission statements
Identity	Who am I?	mission	primary question, scripts, roles
Beliefs	Why?	permission/motivation	beliefs and rules (values are rules with a passionate commitment)
Capabilities	How?	possibilities	talents and skills
Behaviors	What?	action	habits
Environment	Where?	constraints	home, neighborhood, friends, family, light, sound, climate, etc.